10 Things to Turn Your Life into an Asian Horror Movie

Park Cooper posted an interesting article on How to Survive an Asian Horror Movie. It is a fun read if you have seen a lot of Asian horror films already. Here is my take on the topic. Most are based on Cooper’s post although some are my own ideas. Create your very own Asian horror movie by doing the following. Enjoy!

1. Living near any body of water. It does not matter whether it is as large as a lake, the ocean or your bathroom sink or bathtub. Expect to find ghosts climbing out of it in the form of displaced body hair. Whether they come out of the potty is still debatable. I am not sure whether ghosts like coming out smelling like poop or it could be part of the whole scare tactic: killing through stench.
2. Owning any electronic device. Whether it is a decades old television set with a Betamax or VHS player or the latest mobile phone, they are as vulnerable to being possessed by a spirit as any living person. No more surfing the Internet either. You could accidentally access a site that encourages you to commit suicide or kill another person. Wait, that actually happens in real life doesn’t it?
3. Having long hair. If you’re a woman with long hair, you are screwed. Most women with long hair in Asian horror movies are either the ghost or the person being haunted by one.
4. Working for law enforcement, breaking the law or both. The men usually have some connection with law enforcement – current or former cops, secret service agents, detectives and the like. Or they could be running from the law themselves - current or former drug addicts, serial killers and so on.
5. Being near any reflective surface. This includes windows, glass panes, handheld mirrors and more. According to Cooper, you are in even greater danger when being near video cameras. The ghosts know what you look like and where you live. No more photos for you then lest you want to see warped images of yourself before you die.
6. Having a friend or partner that’s too loyal. ‘Til death do us part apparently has no bearing in Asia. It doesn’t matter whether you were the person’s best friend or a total jerk, your friend or partner could come after you after they’ve passed on. On the other hand, there is the remote possibility that you could get your dead best friend or partner to do your bidding. Death Note, anyone?
7. Being shy. Socialize people! Being too shy is not a good thing. You get attached to one person too much. You and your friend/partner should meet and hang out with different people from time to time. At least if one of you dies, you don’t go seeking revenge for past grievances.
8. Being nosy. Be friendly but mind your own business. Knowing too much can get you a lot of attention from the spirits. That is unless if you’re doomed to die soon or get into deeper trouble. If that is the case then investigate until you find a cure or pass the curse on to millions of people.
9. Senior year in high school. This normally happens in Japan and Korea. If your teenage life is not stressful enough already, you have your parents, classmates, teachers and pretty much the entire school population egging you to be the best or possibly kill the competition. Ask your parents to get you out of the country for at least a year to save you the stress.
10. Calling on the spirits. You have no clue on what you are doing. For some strange reason, somebody in your family does but won’t tell you how to do it properly. If it’s not a relative, it’s usually somebody who lives near your house.